I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
