is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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