lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
