I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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