and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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