Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
