I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
