hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
