I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
