GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
