At least make sure they are 18
Why
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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