C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
