I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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