Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
