i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
