Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
