i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My life is pants optional.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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