I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
