I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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