After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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