There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize