he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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