you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
