I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
