...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
