The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she smelled like a LAN party
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
