this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
