i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
