apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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