i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
