I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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