that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
