You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
