giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
