I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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