I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
