Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
