She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
