if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
