Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
