so explain again why im purple
no
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
