I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
