I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
