So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize