but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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