I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
