Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
