But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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