he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
