I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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