Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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