i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
