yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
