i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
