allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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