Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
