I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
