"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
