the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
