I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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