he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
