I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
