I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
