I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
