who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
